pure science with a splash of black cat

fuckyeahretailrobin:

Because I have every single price of every clothing item in one of the biggest Macy’s on the East coast, memorized.

My Macy’s isn’t that big, but I FEEL YOU, MAN. I get this question at least five times a day (and only that many because we’re only open for half my shift and I work in the stockroom as much as I can). It kind of baffles me that people think I can directly answer this question. Genuinely, the best thing I can do is help you find the fixture the item is (supposed to be) from (because I love the people who “find” unticketed brand-ass-new Armani Jeans in an 80% off rack — yeah right), and hopefully there’s another one with a ticket on it. That’s it. I can’t just tell you. I’m not a sorcerer or a robot. I’m the pricing lead. Work with me here.

My timecard is updated through today, so the results are in: I managed to work 51.55 hours this week. No wonder I’m tired.

Know what time I got home from setting the Black Friday sale?

12:15 IN THE FUCKING MORNING

HAPPY GODDAMN THANKSGIVING

Retail workers: have your customers ever caught you singing along, perhaps too loudly, with the Christmas music? Asking for a friend.

Retail unicorns

bluelightseven:

Something like this, perhaps?

Be strong, friend.  I did six Christmases in retail, it is a harrowing thing.

Yup, that would be the gist of it.

I have to admit, I do like that this is the time of year where I get to put my ninja skills on display all the time. I look like a newbie Christmas hire — if you don’t look at least 30, all customers assume that — but I am actually in charge of the pricing (and the signing, at least for the holidays, while my lead is out recovering from surgery). So when they come up to me with their “wah wah this is ringing up at $90 but the sign/ticket says $4.99” sob story, they expect me to say, “Oh, okay!” and give it to them, but what I actually say is, “Really? Huh,” and proceed to unravel their lies.  I usually see the look of dejection once I pull out my pricing gun. It never gets old.

(Source: camanda)

Retail unicorns

codylynnclark:

Also, the mystical item “I just bought here last week” that hasn’t existed in five years of this lowly retail employee’s service.

I haven’t interacted with a customer in three months at my new job… it’s fantastic.

Yeah, I had one of those today, looking for something she claims she bought from us last Christmas. I don’t remember it. It’s possible she bought it at one of our other stores, I’ll give her that.

Relatedly, last August I had a customer bring in a flyer, telling me she wanted an iron that was advertised in it. The flyer was from May, and even then the flyer said the iron she wanted was in closeout, i.e., we are not getting any more of these irons, buy it now or DIAF. She pissed me off so royally that day. A legendary customer.

(Source: camanda)

Retail unicorns

Retail unicorns are things that don’t actually exist but that customers are sure we, the lowly retail employee, are hiding from them. They include all the stuff that’s pictured in the sale catalog (for every store must carry them, “selection may vary by store” be damned) and “the back” (which isn’t the real back room, it’s a place where merchandise grows on magic fucking trees). Another one from the front lines of the biggest non-Black Friday sale of the year is the register with no customers at it. Right? There has to be one. During the biggest non-Black Friday sale of the year. Obviously. But I’m the idiot.

I am wearing a sleeveless blouse to work today.

I look forward to having three billion customers ask me, “Aren’t you cold?”

No. No, I am not cold. You may be cold, because you are only in the store for a little while and you are just walking around and you are likely elderly. I, however, am here for nine hours lifting heavy boxes and spending rather a lot of time around rather a lot of people, the combined body temperature of whom will make the store warm quite quickly.

So no. I am not cold. I am, in fact, sweating to death. Get out of my face.

fuckyeahretailrobin:

November first, or, as we call it, the beginning of the Christmas Season and the death of most/ all our Holiday spirit.

They start mixing it in on November 1 at my store, and then increasing it slowly until Black Friday, when all the music becomes Christmas music. They’ve brought back some of my least favorites, too, to add to the trauma: Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson singing “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” (I hate that song anyway but that version is the worst), Wham!’s “Last Christmas,” multiple versions of “Wonderful Christmastime.” For the love of everything, please give me some Dean Martin or Ella Fitzgerald or basically like anything but those songs.

The Shop minigame in Miracle Mask is really fun

I work in retail you guys I get paid to do that

I’m doing it in a video game and I think it’s fun

help me