pure science with a splash of black cat

The Abduction of Margaret Houlihan

Potter: Making yourself at home, Flagg?
Flagg: I have no home. I'm the wind.
Hawkeye: I told you he was the wind. You said he was the stars!
BJ: No, I said he was the moon!

Speaking of procrastinating, here's more.

You know you’re a stereotypical broke-ass college kid when you go scrounging for coins at four in the morning so that you can buy a soda on your way to campus, because no matter how broke you are and no matter how much you owe the government for your student loans, you will have that goddamn Coca-Cola.

I have nothing but nickels and dimes, however. First thought: “My kingdom for a quarter.” Second thought: I watch too much M*A*S*H. Third thought: what is wrong with me? Fourth thought: hey, you’re supposed to be writing a paper. Fifth thought: shut up, fourth thought.

Frank: I’m confining you to quarters!
Hawkeye: I’m confining you to quarters, too. Give me all your nickels and dimes!

The Incubator

[the morning after a wild party]
Hawkeye: (quietly) Trapper? Trapper?
Trapper: I'm not gonna talk unless you stop screaming.

The Trial of Henry Blake

[Hawkeye and Trapper are playing ping-pong]
Frank: Are those gurney tables?
Hawkeye: Right.
Frank: And those are surgical masks. You're playing ping-pong!
Trapper: I told you it was ping-pong!

Divided We Stand

Frank: What is that?
Trapper: What is that what, Frank?
Frank: Why is someone's appendix in this boot?
Hawkeye: Because the other one is full of tonsils.

Quo Vadis, Captain Chandler?

Potter: Well, Dr. Freedman, what's the diagnosis?
Sidney: He's Christ.
Potter: If you look closely, you may notice I'm not laughing.
Sidney: Okay, he's not Christ. But he's also not Chandler.
Flagg: Psychoanalytical doubletalk.
Sidney: The man's a victim.
Flagg: He's bucking for a ticket stateside! All we gotta do is stuff the guts back in him.
Hawkeye: Frank builds the cross and he's the nail salesman.
Sidney: You're a victim, too, Flagg. But you're such an unbelievable example of walking fertilizer, it's hard for me to care.